The 6 Rules of Justin Bieber Fan Craziness

beliebers
 
Justin Bieber’s fans call themselves “Beliebers.” Yes, the religious undertone is intentional. For these devout fans, Bieber is a god — albeit one who inspires crying, screaming, and posting lots of videos on YouTube. While many teen pop stars have inspired hysterical behavior, Bieber fans are the most recently insane. From death threats to his girlfriend (via Twitter, natch) to tears at his Grammy “defeat,” Bieber fans are extreme in their devotion. Let’s take a look at the 6 Rules of Justin Bieber Fan Craziness.
 

Rule No. 1: Bieber Fans Like to Form Angry Mobs

 
Justin Bieber fans love showing up at the back doors of talk shows and of course, mall appearances, where they like to shout things like: Wooooo, we’re so happy!, I love you, Justin!, and Omigaaaaaah! However, the shouts of Jus-TIN, Jus-TIN, Jus-TIN can swiftly turn menacing.

Once, Justin Bieber showed up in an alley somewhere, where dozens of Beliebers anxiously awaited him, clutching digital cameras and handmade glitter signs. He walked outside, accompanied by two bodyguards, flashed a peace sign, then gave a couple of autographs from behind a fence and departed. This left the Bieber fans a little…un-Biebered. As you’ll see in this video, the next van to drive through the same alley experienced the full, passionate force of the Beliebers. (Skip to 2:05 for the van.)
 

 
And when the Roosevelt Mall in Westchester, NY cancelled a scheduled Bieber appearance due to safety concerns (too many Beliebers, not enough mall), the fans were…distraught. Check out the angry moms in this video.
 

 
 

Rule No. 2: Beliebers Fan Their Faces When They Come into Contact with Him

 
If you’re a fan and you meet Justin Bieber, your face will get very hot and you will need to make a fanning motion to cool off.

To wit:
 

 
 

Rule No. 3: Justin Bieber Fans Who Miss a Chance to See Justin Bieber, Will Always, Always Cry

 
Did you forget to call the radio station during that contest? Boo-hoo!
 

 
Did you get faked out by some random girl you met online who told you she could introduce you to Justin Bieber? Wah!
 

 
 

Rule No. 4: Bieber Fans Cry When He Doesn’t Win an Award and Find it “Unfair”

 
Another hallmark of Bieberdom is an extreme belief in the validation of the Grammy Awards. Furthermore, they care about Justin and they want to him to fulfill all his lifelong dreams. So they all took it rather hard when he lost out on the Grammy for Best New Artist to a jazz (jazz?!) singer named Esperanza Spalding.
 
A 7 year-old boy famously sobbed, “My teenager lost.” However, this actual teenager takes the emotion a few steps further. With mascara running down her cheeks, she wails, “Who the f*** is Esperanza Spalding?” For this 19 year-old (?!), a world where Justin Bieber doesn’t win the Grammy he deserves is a world she doesn’t think is worth living in. “Justin, you can have all my stuff after I kill myself,” she proclaims.
 

 
 

Rule No. 5: Justin Bieber Fans Love to Make YouTube Tributes

 
The Beliebers beliebe — I mean, believe — that if they make lots of YouTube tributes for Justin Bieber, they will eventually be singled out, contacted by telephone, and whisked off to Canada to be married to him. Or they just want to make him feel supported. Or they just want to show the world how much they love Justin Bieber. Okay, I don’t actually understand this phenomena, but here it is.
 
This is a video of girls lip-synching to JB’s hit single “U Smile” (funny how it actually sounds like they could be signing, no?).
 

 
These kids enjoy writing Bieber lyrics on their body parts.
 

 
And this is Justin Bieber’s self-proclaimed #1 fan. She has a lot of free time and all the latest Apple products.
 

 
I dig the toast with his initials burned into it. Do you think when she turns 13, her parents will let her burn his initials into her flesh?
 

Rule No. 6: Bieber Fans Just Want Justin to Be Happy

 
Justin’s Grammy defeat was a big deal because he really, really deserved to win, y’know? And it was just totally unfair this other random girl won.
 

Esperanza Spalding Wikipedia Hijacking

Beliebers hijacked Spalding's Wikipedia page after Bieber lost the Grammy to her.

 
 
That’s why it was interesting that when reports emerged saying that Justin Bieber was going out with actress Selena Gomez, the Beliebers took to Twitter, freaking out about the new girl and how unworthy she was of Justin’s sweet Bieber love. Then came the hater backlash: a crop of videos arguing (quite convincingly) that if you’re a TRUE FAN and you REALLY CARE about Justin, then you’ll just be happy that he’s happy. Because Justin wants you to be happy, so you’ve got to reciprocate. (Okay?? So everybody’s happy, goddammit!)
 
This girl reasons, “Think of it as your best friend going out with your ex-boyfriend.” Which doesn’t really seem analogous exactly, but I guess her point is that you should just want him to be happy.
 

 
This girl accuses, “If you were really his fans, you’d be happy for him. He has a right to have a girlfriend.”
 

 
 
As you can see, Bieber Fever is governed by six basic rules, but somehow this fact doesn’t make the phenomenon any less frightening. Even Justin himself seems terrified. In this clip, Justin interrupts his own performance to ask his fans to back away, “Everyone just take two steps back please. Please.”
 

 
Do you know anyone who’s caught Bieber Fever?

7 Comments

  1. jasbieberlover

    Love your six rules still think one should be kiss girls will the name jasmine

  2. Cymon

    To all the Justin Bieber fans threatening Selena Gomez and Esperanza Spalding; you do realize that uttering death threats is a serious offence and the cops could easily find out who you are.

    I know it`s just a bunch of stupid teenage girls talking shit while hiding behind your computers but I`d still love to see the cops arrest one of you dumb little bitches and make an example out of you.

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