Do’s and Don’ts of Meeting People Online

As everyone who has used the internet knows, meeting new people online can be a minefield. We’re warned that when using a dating site, we should be extremely careful, as you don’t know from a couple of pictures and a short profile who the person is, what they’re all about, and what their intentions with you are. As a veteran of such dating sites, I strongly concur with the advice to be careful. But what about meeting friends online? The mines are still there, but its less about them, and more about you. You meet a fun new person online. How do you come off as a cool, likeable person, that someone would want to talk to regularly, and not someone who is completely awkward, weird, or seems to be on the verge of insanity? Here’s a quick list of the Dos and Don’ts of meeting new friends online:

Do: Highlight the positives about yourself. None of us are perfect, but few of us are thoroughly terrible. Do you have a cool hobby? Are you awesome at sports? Have you accomplished some kind of impressive feat? Don’t be humble. Just don’t act superior.

Don’t: Lie. It’s tempting to lie. The person you are talking to is far away. Who says you aren’t close to curing cancer? Can they prove you don’t bench press 300 and are friends with Lady Gaga? While you might not be able to get away with lies as grand as these (although you might be surprised), it would be easy to slip a fib or two past. But once the relationship goes further, you’ll inevitably be caught, and at the very least you’ll be embarrassed. If the relationship doesn’t go further, why put all that effort in to lying?

Do: Let yourself be vulnerable everyone once in a while. If you talk to someone everyday, and every single day is the best day ever, the whole thing can start to feel superficial. If you had a crappy day, tell them. If someone made you mad, share it. After a while it stops feeling like two strangers talking and starts to feel like two friends hanging out. Surprisingly, being perfect can be a big turn off.

Don’t: Think you’re on Dr. Phil. There’s nothing worse than barely getting into a conversation with someone before they start dumping all their emotional issues on you. Humans are fairly apathetic. It’s the only way we could get through the nightly news without crying ourselves to sleep. We ease into caring slowly. You may want to make the friendship “real” quickly, but start talking about how scarred you are from your dad leaving you at the zoo when you were ten, and the only relationship you’ll be having is with a blank screen.

Do: Diversify. It’s tempting to gravitate towards people like you. They’re your tribe, they get you. But you’ll be missing out. I never thought I liked zucchini until I tried it. And then I found I hated zucchini. But later I tried Thai food and now I can’t go a week without it. When you start talking to someone who is nothing like you, don’t run for the hills. Give it a try. Sure, he might turn out to be zucchini, but he may turn out to be Thai food.

With these tips you should be able to navigate making new friends online without coming off as a bore, a liar, a fake or a basket case.

Have some other tips in mind? Share them in the comments below!