Your Parents and the Internet: 6 Annoying Things
Category: Everything Else
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When your parents or grandparents first started using email, at first you thought: Cool, now I can send them emails instead of using up my daytime minutes.
Then the phone calls began: I can’t find my inbox. What’s the name of your email again? It didn’t send. How do I delete? It’s broken. I don’t know what my email address is.
With time, they got more confident. They Googled. They joined “the Facebook.” They wanted to start using “the Skype.”
In general, parents and the Internet is a combo that benefits children, allowing everyone to keep in touch cheaply and frequently. But sometimes, the older generation does things that are just plain baffling.
After some intensive study of parents and technology, I’ve compiled the 6 Ways Your Parents Can Be Annoying about the Internet.
#1: THE MULTITASKER
The Multitasker parent likes to “reply-all” to a family email – and then include irrelevant requests for the other recipients.
Sending separate emails to your mom and sister would be a waste of 30 seconds.
#2: THE EPIC INSTANT MESSENGER
The Epic Instant Messenger usually signed up for Gmail at your urging (“It’s free! And AOL sucks!”). You told her to start Gchatting you, since you would respond faster. But the Epic Instant Messenger doesn’t grasp how a “chat” differs from an email.
She types “Hello”; you respond “Hey, what’s up?” She types a full paragraph for five minutes and then hits “send.” You try to respond to her epic chat, but it’s too late—she’s busy typing her closing paragraph, and before you know it, she’s signed off.
The Epic Instant Messenger disappears as swiftly as she arrives.
#3: THE TELEGRAM ARTIST
The Telegram Artist parent believes that email services charge per word. Thus, all correspondence must be composed with as few words as possible.
Hi honey,
Spoke to your aunt T. Says tomorrow is fine. Will be nice to see everyone. Will call when I have more info. Looking forward.Went to the ballgame with Mike. Good time. Too much popcorn. Stomach hurts.
Hope all well.
Love,
Dad
#4: THE BLOG WONDERER
If you try explaining to a Blog Wonderer what a Facebook wall is, the Blog Wonderer will answer: “Is that a…blog?” If you try to tell a Blog Wonderer you’re filling out an online application for a job, the Blog Wonderer will suggest, “Why don’t you send them a blog?”
The Blog Wonderer has read a lot of newspaper articles about the phenomenon of “blogging.” But the Blog Wonderer just can’t grasp what a blog actually is.
The Blog Wonderer knows the blog is a very important and influential development in society, so she will try to work the word into any Internet-related discussion.
In this clip, Martha Stewart reveals herself as a classic Blog Wonderer. “A true blog is written when you’re inspired–and it doesn’t have to happen every day.”
#5: THE INADVERTENT YELLER
THE INADVERTENT YELLER WRITES IN ALL CAPS.
THE INADVERTENT YELLER HAS NO IDEA HOW TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK.
OR THE INADVERTENT YELLER MAY TYPE EXTREMELY SLOWLY AND THEREFORE PREFERS TO LEAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON RATHER THAN STRUGGLE TO SEARCH FOR THE SHIFT KEY EVERY FEW WORDS OR SO.
THE CHILDREN OF INADVERTENT YELLERS MAY TRY TO EXPLAIN HOW CAPITAL LETTERS MAKE THEM FEEL, BUT GENERALLY, THEIR EFFORTS ARE FUTILE.
Dear Dad, when you write in all capital letters, you sound angry.
SOUND? WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOUND? I AM WRITING NOT TALKING.
Okay, sure, but Dad, on the internet people use all caps when they want to convey anger or a raised voice.
NOT ANGRY. CALL YOUR MOTHER.
The Inadvertent Yeller is also frequently a Telegram Artist.
#6: THE WEBCAM WAVER
Confession (sorry, Mom and Dad): My parents are both Webcam Wavers.
Ever since they got a new laptop with a built-in webcam, they are amped to use the video function when we “do the Skype.”
Which is great, I love to see their faces – but the novelty still hasn’t worn off. They just can’t believe that we can see each other at the same time – in motion!
Let’s wave!
Hiiiiiiiiiii.
We should be grateful that our parents not only kinda know what the Internet is, they more or less know how to use it. I have a friend whose father has never touched a computer, let alone sent an email. I know technology can be hard to keep up with, but five years ago he was still baffled by her voicemail (So how do you connect your cell phone to the answering machine?). Seriously.
What’s the most annoying thing your parents do on the Internet? Comment below!
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Arielle
My husband’s parents had him when they were older, so they’re in their 70s and 80s. When we were visiting my husband was checking his email on their computer. My husband is the type of person who never deletes old messages, so he had like 1,000 some in his inbox. His dad saw that and freaked out, saying “Won’t that clog up my computer?”
blue
My grandmother thinks email address is tied to location. Whenever she visits friends out of town, she uses their email address to send out updates. She can’t grasp the concept that you can check your email on any computer.
My mother isn’t as bad as she used to be, but she’s still pretty clueless. She says it’s “too hard” to remember how to copy and paste, so she’ll write down these looooong URLs on scratch paper and retype them into the browser.
Deon
The only person in my family that knows not to double click a link is me! the only thing that really needs to be double clicked it a folder o_o
Tech Thoughts Daily Net News – August 9, 2010 « Bill Mullins' Weblog – Tech Thoughts
[...] Your Parents and the Internet: 6 Annoying Things – When your parents first started using email, at first you thought: Cool, now I can send them emails, then the phone calls began: I can’t find my inbox. What’s the name of your email again? It didn’t send. How do I delete? It’s broken. I don’t know what my email address is. Here are 6 Ways Your Parents Can Be Annoying about the Internet. [...]
Anthony
Despite explaining to my parents how to use the browser’s address bar several times, they still keep using Google to get to every website. My mom is the worst because she doesn’t realize that the first result on Google isn’t always the one she wants. When she got to a Youtube video in trying to find the winning lottery numbers, I pointed out her mistake but she just got angry.
Miss Cellania
Funny, my mother is 74 and she is pretty good with the net. She follows my blogs, doesn’t forward emails, and chats with her boyfriend. Me? I’m 52 and I make my living on the internet. I have four teenage kids who have no clue -they probably think parents have no business on the internet, as the author of this list thinks.
ViralViralVideos.com
If my parents call one more time how to find the Big Blue E, I might pull my hair out. It only needs a few more tugs till I’m bald.
Random’s | Welcome to andypudmenzky.com
[...] Your parents & the internet – 6 annoying things [...]
Jess
My mother in law was SO excited to learn how to use email, it was really cute (even with all the forwards, which she was also so excited about that it was almost forgivable)… Until she started testing out all of the ‘fun’ options for emails, like downloaded smiley packs and rainbow texts and animation-filled signatures. The worst part of all of it was that whenever she sent an email, she would immediately call you to ask if you’d gotten the email, and ask what we thought of it. It’s a good thing that she’s so darn adorable…
Sheila
:) You should knolw that your parents, maybe even your grandparents, invented the internet ….aaaannnddd all this technology. :)
John
My mom sends me an email explaining that her friend Irene keeps getting emails that she is sending to my mom returned because the email account no longer exists. My mom goes on to explain that I need to cancel all of her Yahoo accounts that she opened years ago (list of 4 included in her email) so that her friend can somehow get the her emails through. I called her on the phone and gently explained that she needed to call Irene and tell her what her current email address is…
hevach
“Can’t you just do it for me?” My father in law will call me several times a month for mundane help – buying something on ebay, logging back into his gmail account, posting something to somebody on facebook, or signing up for some mailing list. “Can’t you just come over and do it for me?” Guy buys 15-20 things on ebay a month. I’m over there just doing it for him often enough that I’ve got about half of his credit card number memorized at this point. I can’t even remember the first four digits of my own.
Ben
My mom is friends with me on Facebook (my first mistake was accepting her friend request, but quite honestly, the fact that she knew how to send me a friend request was quite impressive.) However, when she tries to contact me via Facebook, she only ever comments on posts I’ve made on her wall. She hasn’t figured out that we all have walls yet. She’ll learn. She better….
Thiiis guy
My mother consistently signs me up on dating websites. Then she gets the matches, prints them, and mails them to me. She always picks what she thinks is good for me, and not necessarily what I want. Example: I’m a smoker, and she picks non-smokers who won’t date a smoker.
Sarah M Bruce
one time, my mom found an internet site she thought I’d like
she hit “print” in her browser, printed 4 pages when the relevant part of the site was less than a page, folded the printout, stuffed it in an envelope, and mailed the entire thing to me
frankie
my mom keeps asking about facebook going to a subscription service. so many times i’ve told her facebook FAQ debunks that rumor yet she keeps asking me. and i see her posting on others walls asking when facebook will start charging a monthly fee…
Jack
double click links.
Emily Willson
Haha, my aunt has NOO idea how facebook works. She doesn’t understand the concept of individual walls and will write her own status updates and the like on others walls! Its kind of annoying and kind of hilarious!
acce245
Hah, John Smith, the only person over 50 on this internet thingy who isn’t one of the people described (aside from perhaps the DARPA founders, OS creators, and a few others). Unfortunately, this happens on both sides, but older folks think email is tied to a location more often than younger people, and that blogs are really the truth and inspiration (and they don’t realize that just about anyone can have one). A blog on facebook? YOu mean a note, martha stewart? lmao.
Todd
You forgot the pathological forwarder. They forward everything that hits their inbox as a warning to the dangers of the world. The small arms treaty, fake computer viruses, political commentary that is loaded with half truths and out and out lies. And THEY BELIEVE IT ALL! It’s in their inbox, so it must be true.
Tess K
Ah Amazing … Parents are a real pain when they want to keep in touch with their kids but who is the first person the young adults call when they need something or they have a problem? Be Thankful that your parents want to be in contact with you… There are plenty parents out there that can care less about their children… Sad that young adults have all day to chat with their friends but their paents want 10 min every few days and that’s a problem? Be Thankful for what you have… It’s not all about YOU!
Tom
My father still thinks that his email account can only be used from his house. When he traveled to Las Vegas last year, he opened a new gmail account after he arrived and then sent it out to everyone so they could stay in touch.
Auntie_Ir0ny
My father thought the DSL wasn’t as fast as it should be due to the snow on the phone lines and power lines. My MIL asked me how to “find the porn and the hacking.”
Matt
My parents seem to be obsessed with “the double click”. Links, photos, just about anything that you can click they must click at least twice, and when it doesnt respond they go on a clicking frenzy. One click mom, that is all…
Michael
My mother signed up for every mailing list she came across, then complained when her inbox became crippled with the volume of mailing list and spam e-mails. I had to close out that e-mail address and open a new one for her.
Daniel
My mother once got an email forward that she wanted to share with me. So, she printed it out, put it in an envelope, and mailed it to me via the USPS.
Nick
My mom doesn’t understand facebook AT ALL. She doesn’t know how to reply to anything. So I’ve decided to stop having personal discussions with her via Facebook, even though she checks it more often than she checks email, because she keeps replying to private messages on my Wall, or on an unrelated status. The worst was the time I sent her an email and she read it, logged into Facebook, and posted a reply to my Wall. You have to actually work to do something that screwy.
bob
Way to leave those email addresses in the first one, so much for privacy…
Snuggie Cult
Oprah can lead the way in some aspects of what parents are into. Like when she gave a lot of coverage to Twitter and a bunch of people signed up but had little idea what the point of it was.
Katie
They forgot the “Internet Stalker.” This is the parent who, upon learning you have a Facebook page, blog, etc., will visit your page religiously. They will join specifically so that they can leave “cute” comments.
“Great picture! My little girl sure is all grown up! Love you, Princess!”
They will ask you about things you post, and slowly your “Internet life” will begin to dominate your real-life conversations with said parent.
Suricou Raven
I have a ‘blamer.’ If something isn’t working, it’s always my fault, as I am the one she consideres in charge of computer stuff.
Internet slow? My fault.
Can’t find the word-count option in Word? My fault.
Battery keeps running out? My fault.
Website down? My fault.
She stopped blaming me though after going too far – the last fault she had was my fault, after I snapped the screen off her laptop and gave her a five minute long rant about exactly why I cannot be held responsible for her inability to watch the battery meter.
Anele
Diane, you are right on about the “twitting”, but I think I’ve got to save that for parents & social media post. Facebook and parents is a landmine/goldmine.
Lindsay, that’s so funny. You’ve given me a good idea about how to deal with my uncle’s undiscerning forwarding…hmm!
Maya, hahaha, I’m right with you on the no no-Mario bros. video games. It’s a fine line though. I can understand wanting to keep up with the world, but is there some point where it’s just too much? I can see that happening to me already with music….
And thanks JapanDave!.
Diane
I’m very surprised you didn’t mention anything about “twitting” as some people call it. Aaaaaaa!
Lindsay
I wish the “forward” function was disabled for parents and all prior generations. They forward so liberally that I virtually disregard anything they send that isn’t composed by them. Although, I find it especially funny that my mother — formerly a repeat offender when it came to forwarding virus warnings outdated by several years, stupid poems and jokes, and pretty much anything sent to multiple recipients with “send thjs on” in the subject line — was cured of “forward fever” by her own annoyance at receiving daily right wing propaganda forwards from a random aunt. She ultimately had to downgrade her aunt to spam. Payback is so sweet.
Maya
My mom and aunts and uncles keep pressuring my grandma to get a computer and learn how to use the internet. “It will be great!” they say, “you can keep in touch with everyone and see all their photos!”
My grandma, perhaps envisioning herself making the sort of gaffes described in this article, just stubbornly shakes her head. As much as I respect the parents and grandparents for learning new skills, I fully support my grandma’s decision. Just as I flatly refuse to play video games that don’t feature the Mario brothers.
James Smith João Pessoa, Brazil
This is such total ageist bullshit, it makes me sick.
I’m 67 and I frequently have to explain to far younger people (20-30) how computers actually work and the internet functions. They all think a computer is an appliance like a refrigerator and all they know is how to click in what is sometimes the right places. Let anything go wrong and they are totally clueless and helpless.
The article assigns your own shortcomings to older people. Most younger people are really ignorant twits that are so smug in their “kewlness” that they are incapable of learning how to tie their shoes.
Your Parents and the Internet: 6 Annoying Things | All Mint No Hole
[...] With time, they got more confident. They Googled. They joined “the Facebook.” They wanted to start using “the Skype.” In general, parents and the Internet is a combo that benefits children, allowing everyone to keep in touch cheaply and frequently. But sometimes, the older generation does things that are just plain baffling. After some intensive study of parents and technology, I’ve compiled the Read ahead [...]
David LaSpina / JapanDave
Great list! I found myself nodding often. Funny and very well written too. Thanks!