The 8 Dos and Don’ts of “Sexy” Halloween Costumes

Remember the good ol’ days when the girl in the mini-skirted Dorothy costume was the star of the party. Nowadays, however, these so-called sexy costumes are so commonplace. And where’s the creativity? Every party has at least ten girls who look like they could be auditioning for some sort of Disney-fetish porno.

So hold off on those pigtails, put down the thigh-highs and let’s review some basic Dos and Don’ts of Sexy Halloween Costumes, updated for 2010.

1. DON’T forget about irony

Dressing as a “sexy” version of something is more interesting if the thing you’re dressing up as is normally unsexy.

Ha ha! Nuns are supposed to be chaste; this is a pregnant nun. This is ironic. ACCEPTABLE.

A stripper dressed up as a sailor. Strippers are sexy; sailors are sexy: UNACCEPTABLE.

2. DO make sure that exposed skin is relevant to your costume

This one seems obvious, but many people get so caught up in the Halloween excitement that they don’t think about the overall message of their sexy ensemble.

Naked AIM Buddy List: UNACCEPTABLE

If you get nekkid as part of dressing up as something completely unrelated to sex and/or nakedness, then you merely come off as a giant attention whore.

Take note, attention whores. You mustn’t waste a precious opportunity to make an even bigger statement with your nudity. Take this clever young woman, for example, dressed as a beverage-serving device.

Boys like beer and boys like boobs: ACCEPTABLE

3. When dressing as a sexy animal, DO commit to your character

Do not just throw on a black leotard and cute little cat ears and call it a kitty.

You can’t be scared of looking a little silly in your animal costume, or you’re going to wind up looking like…

a cold fish.

Paint your face! Wear a tail! Walk around all night and make animal sounds! It might feel primitive to crawl around on all fours, but well, sex is primitive…

Lions Gone Wild

5. DO dress as sexy cartoon characters

6. DON’T mix and match cartoon characters

7. DO dress up as human genitalia

It’s a conversation starter.

8. DON’T literally dress up as human genitalia

People will try to go to third base with you all night, but not in the way that you might want them to.

Ah, Halloween: the one night a year where you can’t tell who is a lawyer and who is a stripper. Everyone likes dressing up in skimpy costumes. But seriously people, let’s call a moratorium on sexy bees, shall we?

What are some other sexy Halloween costume Dos and Don’ts?