The Guinness World Records organization documents a lot of amazing feats. Some are impressive because they require great physical ability, such as the World’s Longest Motorcycle Wheelie; others impress because they draw attention to disease research, such as the Largest Human Awareness Ribbon.

But many are just plain stupid.
 

 

1. Farthest Squirting of Milk from the Eye

 
This honor goes to Ilker Yilmaz of Turkey, pictured above, who in 2004 squirted milk from his eye at a record-breaking distance of 9 feet, 2 inches. I don’t know how one squirts milk from one’s eye anyway, so I don’t really know if this is impressive or not. It’s just weird.
 
 

2. Largest Collection of Clocks

 

 
Jack Schoff of the U.S. is the proud holder of this title, with 1094 clocks in his possession. I’m not sure why this is significant, since clocks are pretty easy to collect. It’s an everyday object. It’s sort of like having the largest collection of doorknobs.
 
 

3. Largest Collection of Barf Bags

 

 
Now, this is impressive. Niek Vermeulen of the Netherlands has amassed a collection of 5568 airline sick bags. That’s an unusual thing to collect and those are rather hard to get ahold of — you can’t just pop down to the local Walmart to get one.
 
 

4. Largest Collection of ‘Do Not Disturb Signs’

 

 
Meet Jean-François Vernetti of Switzerland. He has collected 8888 different hotel ‘do not disturb’ signs. He looks like a happy chap. Do you think he and Niek Vermeulen are Facebook friends? I feel like they would really get along.
 
 

5. Most Eggs Crushed with Head in One Minute

 

 
Ashrita Furman crushed 80 eggs with his head in one minute. Well. Okay. Good for him?

Interestingly, this is not his first world record. Ashrita Furman has set more than 300 world records since 1979, in all sorts of, uh, fields, from jumping jacks to kangaroo ball racing.
 
 

6. Largest Collection of Smurf Memorabilia

 

 
The world’s largest Smurf memorabilia collection belongs to Stephen Parkes, who has 1061 different pieces of…Smurf stuff. Well done, Stephen.
 
 

7. Largest Smurf Meeting Ever

 

 
Well, Stephen Parkes‘ little Smurf obsession is one thing, but on June 8, 2009, 2510 students from Swansea University, UK, got together dressed up as Smurfs and stood around in a square. I really didn’t realize that Smurfs still had such a thriving fandom.
 
 

8. Most Married Person

 

 
Linda Lou Taylor of Indiana holds the record for most marriages. She’s been married 23 times. This record actually makes me feel a little sad. Either Ms. Taylor is very cynical and never thought her marriages would last forever, or she was hopeful each time. She is 69 years old and has now been single for about a dozen years. “I would get married again,” she has said, “because, you know, it gets lonely.” Ack.
 
 

9. Most People Brushing Their Teeth Simultaneously

 

 
About 10,800 students brushed their teeth for about three minutes in Manila, Philippines. Ew, so that means that they might’ve also broken the record for Most People to Spit into a Cup at the Same Time?
 
 

10. Most Snails on Face

 

 
Fin Keheler, age 11, of Sandy, Utah, covered his face with 43 live snails. Apparently this broke a previous record. Something for his college application, perhaps.
 
 

11. Highest Jump by a Guinea Pig

 

 
This guinea pig, named Puckel Martin, can jump really high and has broken a record. Unfortunately, Puckel has a brain the size of a peanut so he has no idea this is remarkable.
 
 

12. The World’s Loudest Burp

 

 
And finally, this Guinness record is stupid and gross, but impressive nonetheless. Paul Hunn can belch at 110 decibels. Lovely.
 
 
These world records are all dumb, but each in their own special way. Which do you think is the most pointless of them all?